The B-List Lite: 4/28

The Tribe lose on Howie Kendrick's mighty walkoff bunt, and today's game recap features:

• Cautious optimism for Jake Westbrook
• Completely unwarranted euphoria for Tofu Lou
• Somewhat unjustified railing for Grady Sizemore
• A calm, rational discussion of Chris Perez
• No, wait, I didn't do that.
• Extreme yelling at Chris Perez
• Acknowledgements of bullpen arms
• But not Joe Smiff

There are lots of places to watch your team lose on a bunt, but only one place to read The B-List.

What is "bush league?"

"It was a bad baseball play that happened to work out," Perez said afterward. "I don't want to say it was bush league. But you never see that. Ninety-nine percent of hitters in that situation would rather win the game with a hit, not a bunt."

Okay, so Howie Kendrick's bunt was not "bush league," at least according to noted expert Chris Perez.  However, when you say, "I don't want to say it was bush league," this is much akin to Kanye West saying, "I'ma let you finish," which of course means, "I'ma not gonna let you finish."  Perez is going out of his way to say the play was not bush, which means that he totally believes the play was bush.

What defines a play as "bush?"

The B-List Lite: 4/27

The Tribe rebound on the strength of Austin Kearns' resurgence, and today's game recap features:

• Mythic Mitch!
• In praise of Tofu Lou
• No, really!
• Austin Kearns, best NRI signing ... ever?
• A potential surplus on the squad
• The Bullpen of Death!

There are lots of places to watch your team leave 14 men on base, but only one place to read The B-List.

The B-List Lite: 4/26

It's time for Manny Mouse and the Failketeers, and today's game recap features:

• Pitching fail
• Contact fail
• Hitting with RISP fail
• Strategy fail
• Pinch-hitting fail
• Luck fail
• Fail

There are lots of places to watch your team leave 14 men on base, but only one place to read The B-List.

The B-List Lite: 4/23 - 4/25

The Tribe wins every game in which they ... score, and today's game recaps feature:

• ¡Fausto!
• The skillful skill of Mike Redmond
• Even with a bat!
• Trend analysis of Justin Masterson: he is stinking
• Jake Westbrook pitched
• The efficiency of Tony Sipp
• How Not To Productions Presents: Sustaining a Rally
• Our team defense is ... good?

There are lots of places to watch your team ground into double plays in four consecutive innings, but only one place to read The B-List.

Is the offense "really" this bad?

The question comes from Mickey on a mailing list from the USENet days, and it's a good one.  Note that I don't mean "Has the offense been this bad," because, well, look: of course it has.  It's been abysmal.  The team is "hitting" .223/.307/.337.  That's just pitiful.  Those look like numbers I grew up with in the '70s, when Frank Duffy and Charlie Spikes were flailing away and Dave Duncan was a "power threat."  (We referred to his "power" because his "ability to make contact" was lacking.)  Fully half the games (9 of 18) have resulted in the Indians scoring TWO OR FEWER RUNS.  To paraphrase NBA fans, "Outs don't lie."

No, the more interesting question is, "Are the players that make up this offense legitimately so limited that we can expect very, very bad numbers to continue into the season?"  I think the question to this is pretty obviously, "No," if only because I don't think any team in the New Modern Era (post-strike 1994) has put up numbers so putrid.  It's one thing for a single overmatched hitter like Tofu Lou to be awful: he'll get replaced, and then he won't make as many outs.  It's quite another for an ENTIRE TEAM to look like Ray Oyler.

The B-List Lite: 4/22

The Tribe leaves Minnesota with a win on Mitch Talbot's gem, and today's game recap features:

• Mighty Mitch Talbot, your (gulp) "ace"
• A contrast in Perez Stylings
• Why Asdrubal Cabrera is 4/5th the leadoff hitter Denard Span is
• Andy Marte, hitting hero!
• Everybody hits!
• "Neener neener!"
• A Managerial Head-Scratcher

There are very few places to watch Andy Marte do ... anything, but only one place to read The B-List.

Top Five Things Lamer than the Indians' Offense

The Cleveland Indians were shut down for the second consecutive night.  They are 6-1 in games in which they have scored a THIRD RUN.  They are 6-8 overall, meaning that there have been SEVEN games in which they have scored TWO OR FEWER RUNS.  That's fully HALF OF THEIR GAMES.  That is really, really, really, really bad.

I wanted to describe the Indians' offense as The Lamest Thing in the World, but alas, I was able to find at least 5 things lamer.  However, these things aren't a LOT lamer, and in some cases we're splitting hairs.

The B-List Lite: 4/21

The Tribe has never won in Target Field, and today's game recap features:

• Francisco Liriano's command ... of the umpire
• David Huff's blunderbussery
• The least-likely infield hit ever
• The Worst Plate Appearance in the World!
• Grasping at Straws
• Faint praise
• Advice for Matt LaPorta

There are lots of places to watch a pitch put up more than 1 Witt Point per inning, but only one place to read The B-List.

Believe it: Shin-Soo Choo is the Indians' Best Player

I made a comment last week that Shin-Soo Choo has supplanted Grady Sizemore as the Best Player on the Cleveland Indians.

Is this really a controversial statement?

Consider this fine piece by Paul Cousineau.  He beat me to the punch, although I had originally beaten him to the punch, except I am more of a lout.  (I didn't write the piece last week, nor this weekend, nor before now.  Mea culpa.)

Here's the angle I meant to take on it: I claim that Shin-Soo Choo might now be a better player than Grady Sizemore EVER WAS.

The B-List Lite: 4/20

The Tribe opens the Target Field Era with a loss, and today's game recap features:

• Kevin Slowey's masterful command
• Justin Masterson's sloweyful command
• An excellent night from the bullpen
• The return of Russ Branyan!
• Guess if he struck out!
• Some very, very, very, very ...
• ... very, very, very bad defense
• Pronk smash!

There are lots of places to watch run-scoring wild pitches AGAIN, but only one place to read The B-List.

The B-List Lite: 4/16 - 4/18

The Tribe sweeps the ChiSox, and today's game recaps feature:

• The development of Tofu Lou Marson
• The progression of Jake Westbrook
• The returns of Chris Perez and Asdrubal Cabrera as useful players
• The one-man offense
• Making fun of the White Sox' "offense"
• Lamenting the Cleveland "offense"
• Mitch Talbot's gem
• Around the bullpen

There are lots of places to watch all five guys in your rotation post consecutive Quality Starts, but only one place to read The B-List.

The B-List Lite: 4/15

The Tribe ends their 5-game losing streak with a complete game win from David Huff,  and today's game recap features:

• David Huff's dominant outing
• Matt Harrison and an application of the Fundamental Error of Attribution
• Shin-Soo Choo saves the day
• An outrageous claim
• Travis Hafner's future role
• Ducks on the Pond!
• The finest outing by the bullpen this season

There are lots of places to watch your team hit .111 with runners in scoring position, but only one place to read The B-List.

The B-List Lite: 4/14

The Tribe runs their loss streak to five,  and today's game recap features:

• Justin Masterson's strengths and weaknesses
• Asdrubal Cabrera's weaknesses
• The Heart of the Order's weaknesses
• Tofu Lou's weaknesses
• Squander Ball
• A Bedtime Story
• The Doofus Fan

There are lots of places to watch fan interference cost your team a run, but only one place to read The B-List.

A Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, there was a team that got thoroughly dominated by Colby Freaking Lewis.

And that's how I knew they sucked.

The end.