The B-List Lite: 4/5

For the newcomers to this blog, I actually have been writing game recaps for TheClevelandFan.com for a while now (this will be my fifth season). Some of my better posts will be there, so I'll simply highlight them here and point you there to read the whole thing: http://bit.ly/cUGCgN

1) The Play™

As a long-time Division rival, I have a grudging respect for Moon Face Buehrle without actually being capable of liking him. I mean, he’s a White Sok. How can you like a White Sok? Do you have a favorite flesh-eating bacterium? “I generally hate necrotizing fasciitis, but that Vibrio vulnificus, man, I really admire its craft.”

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In the game log, the second batter of the fifth inning says:

Lou Marson grounded out to pitcher

This is true, but only in the sense that the Romans were “somewhat rude to Carthage.”

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2) Jake Westerbuss

The other story on the day, of course, was Jake Westbrook umphant return to the mound. (It is approximately one-third as good as required.)

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There’s no way to spin the numbers into a “good” performance. There’s barely room to spin them into a “merely bad” performance. The man racked up 10 Witt Points (4 BB, 4 WP, 2 HBP) in four innings of play. His WHIP is 2.25 and his ERA is 11.25. He gave up a homer on the biggest, fattest meatball ever thrown by Not Tomo Ohka. Of the five hits he allowed, three were for extra bases. Although Carlos Quentin’s double before Konerko’s homer was actually a nice piece of hitting (bottom of the knee, outside corner, sinking), Westbrook had thrown his first and second pitches in about the same spot to Quentin, suggesting a certain excessive well-going. He gave up a run on a wild pitch with a man on third. He hit two batsmen, and neither was A.J. Pierzynski. That’s very bad.

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4) Ho Hum Dept.

Aaron Laffey came in with the bases loaded and nobody out in the fifth. He threw 6 strikes in 8 pitches to lefty fraud Mark Kotsay, with the end result of …

… a ground ball! Can you believe it?!

Of course you can believe it. It’s Aaron Laffey. (And, to some extent, Mark Kotsay.)

Anyway, of all the pitchers who could easily be sent to the pen from the back end of the rotation, Laffey was a natural choice because he warms up quickly and has been successful in the role before. This makes him a better choice than David Huff, who hasn’t relieved much, or Jeremy Sowers, who is bad.

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5) Oh, no you don’t!

I have seen your act before, Jensen Lewis. I have seen you be effective and post a high K rate and then you suck me in and I tout you as being a serious bullpen arm and maybe now you’re ready to be a setup guy or at least a back-end arm because you have a quirky Modified Hershiser delivery and get more swings and misses than most of our relievers and then you turn into a haddock and flop around on the ground like so much aerated fish flesh and you don’t even have cool sideburns any more.

No, sir.

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7) And now for something completely different

Alex Rios? Really?

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Come on, Tony Sipp. 8 strikes in 9 pitches and a K is good. A home run to Weakling McSchmendrick is not.

8) Notice how little I’ve said about the offense

Which is more than the offense said about the offense.

9) Encouraging signs

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Shin-Soo Choo did not bite his tongue while taking a Tinfoil Hat.